dennis scharnberg

Category: Uncategorized

absent without leave

If you are a modern artist, then you are enmeshed in a set of concerns about what painting is or what it should be. And these “concerns” have developed over time: the concerns of Piet Mondrian might seem somewhat silly to an artist of 2010. On the other hand, traditional artists—Duccio, Memling, Hals—created images for viewers.

Orson Tatterhouse, The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp.

$19 per month

An art historian is a person who believes that old paintings came into existence so that they might—eventually—be addressed in a lofty academic language.

Orson Tatterhouse, The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp.

quaint and curious

Modern people trust habitual liars.

Godfrey Tooke, Collected Aphorisms.

get thee hydrated

Resentment is a consumer product.

Godfrey Tooke, Collected Aphorisms.

on the grift

              oughtism

       Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

cost of living

Willis Humphrey, known by some as Naughty Humphrey, stated that in the twenty-first century—and for the first time in history—the men are more ludicrous than the women.

Edward Valerian, The Empire Is Maintained.

timely and efficient

Mr. Bryce was telling anyone who would listen—including strangers—that the silent “e” in his name was extremely silent.

Adrian Caliban, The Magnificent Egglestons.

delivering basic services

              Shake, Rattle, and Rule

         Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

           

philosophy fun time

“At that point,” stated Upchurch, “some kind of cycle will have come to an end.”

Hollis Beddoes, Counting the Magpies.

cloning a clinton

“When in doubt, go directly to bird calls,” said Evan. “Surely, that is Rule Number One.” Then, suddenly, he started in: “Caw, caw! Caw, caw, caw! Caw, caw, caw, caw!”

Anselm Bligh, A Collection of Miniatures.