dennis scharnberg

massage in a bottle

Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

The Terra-Bessie

I met a girl with hair quite red

She asked me over to tea

Her mother toasted, then buttered the bread

The daughter served it to me

We sat together and sometimes I read

And passed the time gaily till three

When I turned to her (with many things said)

And she shared her kisses with me

[schoolboy poem, age 14]

Wilson Callender, The Shorter Poems.

I’ll place this crown upon her head

Its gleam of gold with hair so red

There’s one who shines amid the rest

The Terebesy girl is just our best

[schoolboy poem, age 13]

Wilson Callender, The Shorter Poems.

“Let me tell you what I have found out, Jenkins. I’ve found that a female simply won’t know what to do if a man addresses her as sir.“

Pryce Cummings, Rattle Box.

“I’d like to stir her porridge, Lawson. I certainly would!”

Jonathan Steed, Down Under.

metal illness

Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

puns and noodles

Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

Anna was going on about how her gutters were now “clog-free” for life. It seemed to be some sort—I don’t know really—some sort of contract. But I never could get her to specify exactly what it was.

Anselm Bligh, A Collection of Miniatures.

Sometimes I find that contemporary art is so slight that it isn’t fair to laugh at it.

Hill Boothby, Essays on Disappointment Management.

Almost everyone is not a philosopher.

Travis Hilliard, The Private Language.