dennis scharnberg

In the bedroom closet, he finds that his well-worn oxfords now consist of two left shoes. He cannot fathom this perplexity. He cannot account for it. He seeks solace in the TV, by watching a 1940s film noir featuring Audrey Totter as an unhappy wife who, upon discovering that her favorite pair of heels has mysteriously become two right shoes, goes on a rampage (in flats), shoots her husband (six times), robs a small supermarket, and heads for the border in a stolen DeSoto.

Jason Starling, ed., Adventures in Narrative Parsimony.

Puns ‘n’ Poses

The Ruling Stains

The Bootles

Lewd Zeppelin

The Hoo-Hoo

Spruce Bringsteam

Velveeta Underground

Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

Narcissism: pathological shallowness.

Callista Ralph, Alphabet Soup.

“I am neither listening nor glistening,” claimed Uncle Walter, in another of his baffling assertions.

Charles Jeffrey Yett, Writing in Miniature—Vol. Three.

She permitted one question only. So Chandu asked, “What is the greatest pleasure in this world?” She answered with a single word: “Deception”.

Constantine Aviola, Chandu the Magician.

If thou hideth now the three rings

And hold them from the light

By April might they blossom

To wrap thy fingers tight.

Anthony Byrchfield, The Five Golden Dayes. (1590)

Education: whatever happens in schools.

Callista Ralph, Alphabet Soup.

The Enlightenment was thespian rationalism.

Godfrey Tooke, Collected Aphorisms.

All of our attention should be focused on the “internet”. But none of our attention is.

Roger Hedgecook, Stolen and Sold for Parts.

Aesthetics: I like this; I don’t like that.

Callista Ralph, Alphabet Soup.