dennis scharnberg

knife fork spoon

“Let me tell you what I have found out, Rodgers. I’ve found that a female simply won’t know what to do if a man addresses her as sir.

Pryce Cummings, Rattle Box.

three card trick

“I’d like to stir her porridge, Lawson. I certainly would!”

Jonathan Steed, Down Under.

tittie cute follies

metal illness

Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

backed like camel

puns and noodles

Andrew Tertullian, Pandora’s Ponderous Puns.

looks a weasel

Anna was going on about how her gutters were now “clog-free” for life. It seemed to be some sort—I don’t know really—some sort of contract. But I never could get her to specify exactly what it was.

Anselm Bligh, A Collection of Miniatures.

please drink this

Sometimes I find that contemporary art is so slight that it isn’t fair to laugh at it.

Hill Boothby, Essays on Disappointment Management.

back in saddle

Almost everyone is not a philosopher.

Travis Hilliard, The Private Language.

spanky alfalfa weaser

When we are free to do whatever we want, we can’t seem to do anything that is interesting.

Logan Nygaard, A Treatise on Amusement.

seeking instruction manual

It is difficult for people to care about what you think you are.

Dennis W. Sylvester, Confessions of a Moon Man.

into the rosegarden

Internet: a means to scrub sincerity from the face of the earth.

Nathaniel Bumppo, The Final Word.